What Are They Good For
by Sticky Wins
Summary: An unanswerable question asked of a seemingly failed guardian. What are they good for? BKO. Oneshot.


Cool, another oneshot. These are too fun.

So I was playing BKO today (still my first play through- I'm a slow gamer. I savor. Also, that Veinroot Afterling was kinda tricky.) And I JUST reached the part after the Veinroots where Sagi flips out at you, his guardian spirit. I wrote this, because sometimes I'll slip into character in a game and start thinking like a character in the game. So as Sagi was yelling at the guardian spirit, and asking him why he sucked so much, I had a dialogue similar to this in my head from the guardian spirit's POV. I figured if the spirit KNEW why he was being so useless, he would have already done something to fix it, so I played off that unanswerable question.

Plus, it's been a while since I've gotten to play a spirit. Last time I tried writing as a spirit for Eternal Wings, she was too much my own character and didn't seem to fit into the story well enough. This guy, Janus, seems less like my character and more like the game's. Dunno why. Maybe it's the elimination of the possible Mary Sue-esque romantic pairing that my past spirit fics had that makes me feel better about it this time around. aha.

Oh, and Janus is the Roman version of January, the Greek god of doors. I thought that was a cool symbol and so that's why I picked it as the spirit's name.

Enough of this author's note stuff. Enjoy this little oneshot!

* * *

The bruises on his pride I could share, but the bruises on his body I could not, and maybe that is why. Beaten and ashamed, we fled the Veinroots. I had felt it half way through the battle with Valara, the angry fire inside him. I'd felt it before, though it had previously been much weaker. Its potency now worried me, and I hoped it would pass.

But even before he spoke I knew he would shout. I cannot read his thoughts, but I can sense the nature of his words and sometimes an occasional key phrase. I heard his thoughts like someone speaking quietly in another room, away from me, _what are they good for?_

I said nothing, bracing myself. We were not quite outside when again I heard those words, this time aloud.

"What are they good for?" Milliard asked him if he'd said something. Then he turned and looked at me, right in the "eyes," if you will. In his eyes I saw the fire just as clearly as I felt it. He was discouraged, he was angry, and maybe he was also afraid. So many emotions ran through his veins and through me I couldn't tell. "What are guardian spirits _good _for?" He wanted to know. His voice was loud. But still I did not speak.

"You're supposed to give me legendary strength! So, where the hell is it?" Oh Sagi, Sagi I wish I could tell you. I wish I could. "First Diadem, then Sadaal Suud, and now Anuenue? You're supposed to give me great strength, but we keep losing to those machina! I don't care about being strong, but not getting the _job done_?" Guillo yelled at him and Milliard looked a little shocked. But he didn't even care about the disturbed tone to Guillo's voice or Milliard's startled expression. He'd cut loose all of his inhibitions, letting his anger flow freely at me.

"What are you?" He asked. His eyes and voice became quieter but they were still seething. He scowled. "How do I know you're not just some figment of my imagination?" Then the voice that were his faraway thoughts came back, _I don't need him…he can't help me never has_. Guillo yelled at him again.

He doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it, I told myself. And although part of him was soft and kind and didn't mean it, it was undeniable how true his doubt of me was. I felt it, a sinking in my chest and his, of fear and doubt. I could feel his faith in me falter, a foundation and a constant in his life beginning to crack. It was truly terrible to be so scorned by someone whose heart you shared. I could feel him pushing me out, though our tie had been forged at birth and would not budge to him. I figured what I was feeling, he was too. He felt abandoned by me, and I couldn't blame him.

"What ARE you, Janus?" He asked again, looking more defeated now. He'd gotten a bruise on his cheek from Valara's machina and a little scrape on his lip. His tired fists were clenched. He used the name, Janus, that I'd told him was mine, or was it the name he'd given me? Maybe it was both of those, or maybe neither. Oh, Sagi how I wish I could tell you. I wish I had an answer, I wish I wish. But I don't dear Sagi, I don't have an answer to give. I know nothing other than I am here, that I am with you.

"I'm a guardian spirit." I said in a desperate whisper that sounded like a feeble gust of wind. Your guardian spirit, Sagi, that's all I am, that's all I know, that's all I can be. No one has ever taught me how to be a guardian, I merely am. My power will come to you when it chooses to, and not a minute sooner- it is hardly mine to master.

He scowled again and glared downward. Guillo left and then Milliard did, gently beckoning Sagi to come as well. He glanced up at me once more, his frustrated gaze making me flinch, then followed the others. As I left with them, feeling useless and guilty, his faraway voice from within repeated his still unanswered question that I hoped I could someday answer. _What are guardian spirits good for._

* * *

Sad? Short? Shitty? Tell me what you think, if you would. I'm fairly happy with it, seeing as I sat down in wrote it in a record _half hour_. Woooh that's fast.

I also want to note real quick that I read _The Sound and the Fury_ recently, and I've sort of picked up Faulkner's stream of conciousness style of writing. I hope it's not too distracting. And if you don't know what that' means, it's all right, I just thought I'd throw that out there. 8D

Thanks for reading and reviewing! ;)


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